I've always shied away from "grown up" decisions. I have been told time and time again that I "refuse to face reality" and I have a habit of "running away" to start all over again. I absolutely agree with both of those points. It's like that saying "Wild Heart with a Gypsy Soul." That's totally ME. I've always made sure to not be "tied down" or looking for the next great adventure. I don't FEEL like a grown up. When it's been suggested to me to do grown up things like have a mortgage, buy stocks, buy "good" cutlery, I always wince.
Even though I have fought having any resemblance of a grown up life, I've watched while the vast majority of my friends and family have taken what I would call "the express train to grown up land." It still blows my mind that most of my friends are married and have families. They have mortgages, car payments, "good china", crock pots, use coasters, and spend time manicuring their lawns. It's all so unbelievable to me. It seems like just yesterday I was in college with my best friends. We were more than friends, we became family. We spent holidays together, we spent four very formative years together. We thought we were invincible and that we would all plow through life and be nothing less than successful, because we had each other and there was strength in numbers.
It's not the case anymore. Life has moved on, people have moved on, priorities have changed, lines in the sand were drawn and people had to pick sides. Friends betrayed friends. But in the end I guess I can simply look back on it and say " It ran its course." Would I love to have friends who I've known forever, their kids would call me Aunt Amy and all the husbands and wives would be best friends and all live in the same neighborhood? It sounds great, but when I seriously think about it, I would have probably been the one to pack up in the middle of the night and leave. Nothing is that perfect.,,,ever.
I recently had lunch with a childhood friend. We attended both high school and college together, was my neighbor growing up and lived in the same city for many years afterward. He and I are the only ones with no kids, no spouses etc. We had the chance to catch up after not seeing one another for 3 plus years. It's nuts how friendships go from constant contact, to comparing flight schedules to see if a quick meet up is possible. There was a point in conversation when we talked about our old group of friends. Then we just kind of sat there in silence and I said "We're the only ones left, You and I we're it," I guess it makes sense, we were the "adventurers" of our group of friends. We traveled and came home and told stories to everyone else who couldn't imagine going that far out of their comfort zone. When I look back on everything I remember a quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson (What is it with me and these Transcendentalists?? Mrs. Keirnan, my high school American Lit teacher would be so proud of me). He said:
“Don’t follow where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail”
So when I look at how I've tackled life, I haven't followed the "traditional path" of marriage, children, home, etc. I've never been one to go with tradition. More power to those who do, and good for them, I am 36, moving to another country and starting all over in a new city with a new job. I have no idea where my path may lead but I look forward to the trail I will leave.
*Waiting on my visa!!
